Want to support this newsletter? Subscribe and share From the Desk of Jade Johnson with a friend! To see art videos, get shop discounts and other goodies, consider a free trial or becoming a paid pal for $5. 🥳
It seems obvious but I have to remind myself that:
It’s a symptom of my anxiety and perfectionism, the delusion that makes me believe I can predict something as nebulous as the future. But alas! I’m just like every other artist, worried about my creative future.
What makes my silly brain different though is I believe that if I make all the right choices, that if someone would just tell me what to do, then I can secure a stable and fulfilling future in the arts and be the most successful version of myself. But…
Even if I manage to “make the thing” and post it, every Instagram like a sign from the universe that this is what I was meant to do all along?
I suppose my endless existential questioning comes from the need to belong, the desire to find my purpose. It never occurred to me until recently that, rather than a perfect starting point, the messy process of finding my purpose can be the end game.
I didn’t start collaging with the intention to be a collage artist. It was something I tried in a moment of frustration with my work and I figured, what haven’t I tried yet? And as I painted my first collage papers I wondered, what’s the worse that could happen?
And here I am almost two years later, almost exclusively working with collage! I hadn’t planned for it but collage found me at a time when I felt stuck and disconnected from my art. Even now, when cutting paper feels difficult or pointless and I try something new, I always come back to collage eventually.
I still don’t know my purpose, or whether art will bring home the (vegan) bacon for me, but I’m learning that the unknown can sometimes be a gift rather than something to fear. And that if I just sit back and go along for the ride, I might arrive somewhere more interesting than I imagined.
That’s all I have for you this week. The second part of this series, alternatively titled “Random 12 AM Thoughts” or “Things I Wish I Had Learned Sooner”, is about trusting our instincts so look forward to that!
Paid pals also have another process video coming their way. Upgrade your subscription and join the club to watch it! If you like these kind of posts, let me know in my notes or if you’re shy like me, give this post a like.
Until next time,
Jade
Thank you for sharing this! I felt such a sense of belonging in your description of anxiety. Sometimes it’s nice to hear someone else give words to what your brain is saying too. Love seeing whatever you create, experiments and all. 💕