Finding My Purpose

Part 1: You Can't Predict The Future (And That's Okay)

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It seems obvious but I have to remind myself that:

It’s a symptom of my anxiety and perfectionism, the delusion that makes me believe I can predict something as nebulous as the future. But alas! I’m just like every other artist, worried about my creative future.

What makes my silly brain different though is I believe that if I make all the right choices, that if someone would just tell me what to do, then I can secure a stable and fulfilling future in the arts and be the most successful version of myself. But…

Even if I manage to “make the thing” and post it, every Instagram like a sign from the universe that this is what I was meant to do all along?

I suppose my endless existential questioning comes from the need to belong, the desire to find my purpose. It never occurred to me until recently that, rather than a perfect starting point, the messy process of finding my purpose can be the end game.

I didn’t start collaging with the intention to be a collage artist. It was something I tried in a moment of frustration with my work and I figured, what haven’t I tried yet? And as I painted my first collage papers I wondered, what’s the worse that could happen?

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And here I am almost two years later, almost exclusively working with collage! I hadn’t planned for it but collage found me at a time when I felt stuck and disconnected from my art. Even now, when cutting paper feels difficult or pointless and I try something new, I always come back to collage eventually.

I still don’t know my purpose, or whether art will bring home the (vegan) bacon for me, but I’m learning that the unknown can sometimes be a gift rather than something to fear. And that if I just sit back and go along for the ride, I might arrive somewhere more interesting than I imagined.

That’s all I have for you this week. The second part of this series, alternatively titled “Random 12 AM Thoughts” or “Things I Wish I Had Learned Sooner”, is about trusting our instincts so look forward to that! 

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Until next time,

Jade